Wednesday, 28 December 2011
IN THE NAME OF ALLAH – THE SOURCE OF MERCY – THE MOST MERCIFUL
If you increase your communication skills and if you were to assist others to increase their communication skills. Just imagine the impact that would have on all your relationships.
Perhaps, you’d like a deeper connection with your spouse, or increased communication skills could really help you if you don’t yet have a spouse but would like one. Or perhaps, you’d like more money in your life, or the relationships that you have at work or in your business with your prospects or customers is what’s important to you. Or it could be as simple as you’d like a deeper relationship with some of your friends. Whatever it is; this technology can really assist.
How can I be so sure? Well firstly it has a profound effect on my own life with every person that I come into contact with. But secondly the proof is really in the pudding because of the hundreds of people that I’ve shared this information with.
I work with a small financial services company, and one of the my colleagues told me that he hates his manager.
We went through the same material that I’m about to share with you. And just a few weeks later when speaking about exactly the same person, he said “Now I respect him.” In a few weeks he’s gone from ‘hate, a very very strong word to having respect. So that’s the kind of shifts that can happen…It’s all about the way we communicate internally and externally.
Lance Armstrong said it best in his auto biography ‘It’s not about the bike.’ It’s about your communication skills, your communication skills with other people and your communication skills with yourself, that internal dialogue. Because that, my friends effects your fears, it effects your beliefs and ultimately your end results.
So to start this journey I’m going to share a model that has transformed hundreds of people just like you. I personally use this every day of my life and I’ve seen tremendous results from applying what you are about to learn.
Relationship is an area of life that is much, much bigger than most people give credit for. When we think about relationships, often we think about our spouses or perhaps our friends. And What I’d like to do is share a quick story and all you have to do is open your eyes and your heart to feel how much relationships really play a part in your life.
It’s a hot summer Sunday morning and Mo wakes up reluctantly. It’s early and after his breakfast, shower and getting dressed, he goes into see his two children; They are still sleeping so he gently kisses their foreheads goodbye and walks to the kitchen. His wife of seven years is standing in her pyjamas holding Mo’s lunch. He smiles at her, takes the lunch box and says “Thanks I’ll see you tonight”.
As Mo jumps in his car, his neighbour from number eight waves hello and from across the road, Mrs. Hoot looks out her window to see if there’s anything happening to gossip about. Mo misses most of the traffic as its only 6:54 am but one car pulls out of a side street and cuts him off. Mo breaks hard and yells and screams at the other driver, calling him in French. Mo is really pissed and then Mo’s mum, calls to remind him about his dad’s birthday dinner tomorrow night. Mo doesn’t get on with his dad and moans to his mum about feeling obligated to go.
He lets out a deep sigh, hangs up the phone and turns into the car park. Mo gets to work at 7:52 am only to find that a report that was promised to him isn’t there. He calls his assistant immediately and completely loses it. Almost crying, She promises Mo the report will be there in an hour and the day begins.
Why am I sharing the beginning of this story? Well, Mo has gone through different relationships by 8:00 am on Sunday morning. How did they affect him? Did it serve him to react the way he did? Could he have responded more effectively, so he and others felt OK?
How about you? How many people do you come into contact with most days? And how do you react sometimes? One of the secrets to success is our ability to relate to all different types of people that we come in contact with. Whether you want to improve your financial position; have a better social life; increase the quality of your intimate or family relationships; or perhaps you’d like a special connection to God or even to create harmony within yourself; a massive part of those areas are more in the quality of your relationships.
How come? Well, the quality of your relationship with your prospects/customers will determine how well your business goes and how much money you make. If you spend quality time with your spouse and family those relationships will grow. Spending time by yourself can only increase how comfortable you are in your own skin and therefore improve the relationship with yourself. And what I am about to tell you will really help you in all areas of relationship if you apply it.
This science goes back to the early 1920’s. Professor William Marsden did all the background research to what is known today as DISC. DISC is a simple yet profound Behavioural model that was the first of its kind and I believe to be one of the best. What Marsden found was that everyday people, just like you and me, behave differently. Not necessarily good or bad; right or wrong; just differently. Here’s how…
As you look at the slide I’d like you to take your eyes up to the top line and look at the very first word. It says perceives. Now bring your eyes down to the bottom line and look at the first word there. it’s also perceives. Look at the paragraph on left hand side of the circle… what’s the first line? You guessed it, it’s perceives. And the paragraph on the right hand side… what’s the first word? Don’t even need to ask you… it’s also perceives.
Why am I sharing this? Well, Professor William Marsden, one of the first things he found in his research, is that all Behaviour is down to perception. It’s how you and I perceive somebody else’s Behaviour. On the right hand side of the circle, that statement there says… perceives a favourable environment. So influence and steadiness, that you can see on the right, are what Marsden found tend to be in a favourable environment. Now think about this for a moment. If you were in a favourable environment… maybe you’re at home right now, maybe you’re sitting in your office or whatever it may be… something that you’re used to, if that’s a favourable environment, how do you feel? Well, often you’ll feel safe; you may feel secure; you may feel fairly open because you’re not being threatened. It’s a favourable environment. Makes sense?
But, if you have a look on the left hand side of the circle, it says, perceives an unfavourable environment. So dominance and conscientiousness tend to be environments that are not favourable to them. That means, often they would like to change the environment. Because if you again are in an environment that is not favourable, let’s say your boss calls you in to the office or a friend or spouse wants to have an uncomfortable conversation with you, the perception could be that that’s an unfavourable environment.
So how might you act? Well, you could be more reserved. You could be more outspoken. Some people when they are uncomfortable, speak outwardly. You might be more guarded. All of those types of things… emotions may come up… those feelings may come up when you’re in an environment that’s perceived as unfavourable whereas if it’s perceived as a favourable environment the feelings and emotions are very different.
If we look above the circle to the top line there, dominance and influence perceive self as more powerful than the environment. So let’s have a look at dominance for a second. We’ve just agreed that they perceive themselves usually in an unfavourable environment. And now what we are looking at is they see themselves as more powerful than that environment. So if it’s an unfavourable environment, and they see themselves as more powerful than that environment, doesn’t it make sense that they feel the have the power to change that environment? And sometimes they do this through force. They can tend to be quite direct in their communication. They enjoy and look for change.
A friend of mine is predominately high-D Behaviour, and we could be at a dinner party and the group discussing an issue or something, and sometimes everyone maybe in agreement with this issue and what my friend will do, he will say something just to rock the boat, just to create some discussion. Because they like… high-D Behaviours tend to like… a little bit of confrontation, a little bit of discussion, a little bit of rocking the boat. This can be very strange if you’re not, or you don’t have much, high-D behaviour in you. But that’s what they like because they like the challenge of that debate.
How about high-I behaviour? Well, high-I Behaviour again feels that they are more powerful than their environment but they’re in a favourable environment. So do you think they want to change it, usually? No. But let’s say that they did. Generally they don’t have to force it because they’ve got the communication skills to be able to create that change. If somebody was talking to a high-I Behaviour and they were being negative, the high-I Behaviour person would tend to use their verbal skills to attempt to create change in that person. Very often high-I is optimistic. They’re quite motivated as well. They’re not very good at detail… not very good at detail at all. They’re very much people orientated.
That’s actually a good point the right hand side of the circle there, its much more people orientated and the left hand side of the circle is much more task orientated. So if you were giving a compliment for instance to a high-D Behaviour you would compliment them on what they’ve done or what they’ve achieved because that’s a task. Whereas with the high-I Behaviour person you could compliment them on what they were wearing or a piece of jewellery that they have or anything really... that high-I Behaviour love to feel recognised and look for significance as that’s much more people orientated.
On to the S Behaviour, if you notice they’re in a favourable environment and also feel less powerful than the environment. So, in reference to change, firstly do you think they’ll want to change? No. Secondly, do you think they can change? They could, but they’d find it exceptionally difficult. S-type of Behavioural styles tends to be very, very loyal. They’re very patient, often quite passive, great team players and very, very dependable. If I’m talking to somebody who’s predominately is high-S Behaviour, they don’t tend to like change at all, especially, quick change where the high-D Behaviour would love that. So it’s a bit like sometimes you have to slow the way you speak down if you speak very quickly. And also I use words like “step by step” or “at your own pace”. You’ve got to be non-confrontational. High-S Behaviour hate with a passion, confrontation and things like, complaining in a restaurant about a meal or even a coffee or something like that can be a really big deal to somebody that’s high-S Behavioural style, whereas, to one of the other Behavioural styles that may not be such a big deal. So slowly, slowly take your time don’t rush them.
And then finally, high-C Behavioural people tend to be very factual. They can be very reserved. If you have a look at the circle again, they see themselves often in an unfavourable environment and less powerful than that environment. What they’re often looking for is, what’s wrong in that environment. So for example, if you happen to be high-C Behaviour listening to an audio program, you might be looking at the pronunciation or the grammar whereas high-I, not detailed at all, is not going to look at that. They’ll be listening to the voice and the passion that the person has and it’s exciting to them, whereas high-C Behaviour is much more analysing and evaluating. So when you talk to somebody who is high-C Behaviour you’ve got to be accurate and realistic and be prepared. High-C Behaviour people are great at research. They love it. These are the guys and girls that read all the manuals. I’ve got a couple of colleages who are high-C Behavioural style and if they had bought a product and I’m interested in that line of product, I know that will be the best because they will have done the research.
If I was going to summarise with giving each Behavioural style an animal, I would say that the animal for the high-D is like a bull, not much patience and when they’re not happy they’re charging. So you’ve got to be very, very precise when you’re talking. Talk about the bottom line; get to the point very quickly.
High-I Behaviour would be a peacock. It’s a bit like “look at me, look at me”. Often you can tell high-I Behaviour from what they wear. They can wear bright or flashy clothes or jewellery or might have a funky hair style. Maybe they’ll drive a car that stands out.
High-S would be a dove, a beautiful animal, that’s very loyal. The challenge for high-S Behaviours is often they don’t speak out when they’re not happy. You can easily offend somebody that’s high-S Behaviour and if they speak up, which is very rare, they tend to bottle it inside and then over a period of time that builds up and then they can lose it.
And then finally high-C Behaviour would be an owl. They are very wise, very methodical and very much a thinker. I do go into this in more depth, a lot more depth actually, in the social part of the life circle. But for now just remember this, there’s a golden rule and that golden rule you may have heard of. It says, treat people the way that you want to be treated. Have you heard that? Do you agree with it? If you said yes, then I’m going to challenge you. I’ll tell you why. If I treat you the way that I want to be treated, I run the risk of relating to you ineffectively. And that is to three-quarters of the population or the other three styles of the DISC model. What the golden rule should be, is treat people the way that they want to be treated. Makes sense? Fantastic! And if you’re adapting to the other person who’s different to you and they’re adapting to you, it’s got to be a win-win.
Now if you happen to watch Sex in the City… not that I do but a friend of mine told me… yeah right, I was told I’d learn a lot about women and to be honest it was scary. But in Sex in the City, there are four main girls that actually are all very different. That’s why with the female viewers you can always relate with at least one of the characters. If you do watch the program, who would be out of those four do you think would be high-D Behavioural style? It’s Samantha. She’s often direct blunt. She’s up for a challenge. She wants change, all that kind of stuff.
How about high-I? Remember “look at me, look at me”. It may not be that obvious however look at how many shoes she has and some of her outfits. She looks amazing. It’s Carrie. She would definitely be high-I.
Then we’ve got high-S. Not necessarily spoken up; a little bit more reserved. Who would that be? Only two left, yes its Charlotte for sure. And then the final one, it’s not black and white here, because she’s got a bit of D in her as well but Miranda would be high-C. She looks for what’s not right in a certain situation. She’s also very much of a thinker. All makes sense?
And for you guys and girls that don’t watch Sex in the City, high-D would be Jack Nicholson from A Few Good Men. Remember that? He said, “I have neither the time nor the inclination” that’s high-D. They don’t have time they cannot be bothered lets in-out. “You want answers, I want the truth”… “You can’t handle the truth”… that’s a high-D Behaviour.
Who would be high-I? Got to love it… Austin Powers is a classic high-I. From what he wears, from what he drives, to how he moves, the whole bit.
The movie Hitch has a couple of different characters there with a couple of different Behavioural styles. Kevin James is the actor who plays the main character that Hitch is trying to set up. He is the classic high-S Behaviour in that movie. Notice how even communication with a women is a big deal. Often for high-S Behaviour style complaining in a restaurant about anything, could be coffee’s not hot enough or whatever it is, it’s a big, big deal to a high-S Behavioural style. That’s why “step-by-step”, “at your own pace” may not be a big deal to the other Behavioural styles but to a high-S it is. And Hitch hints at that when he himself is high-I. Look at his verbal skills. He feels he is in a comfortable environment and also is more powerful than that environment. So he can cause change and feels he can in other people.
That’s why often people who are high-I are coaches, trainers that kind of thing. And then finally, high-C, this is a classic. If you watch Seinfeld, George is a high-C Behavioural style. Again he often looks for what’s not right. He has outbursts. Often the environment he is in is not favourable. And often he feels less powerful than the environment. I always remember that line when Jerry is calling himself a loser and George is like... “There’s no way you’re a bigger loser than me I’m the biggest loser there is”.
So my question to you is which predominant Behavioural style are you? Think about people you know also. Now if you’re not sure about yourself there is one sure way to find out. You got to remember that you do have all of those Behavioural styles. What tends to happen is when you get stressed; most people tend to default back to their predominant behavioural style. So that’s a clue.
Our thought process and our reactions make the difference in our lives. To take control of our lives we must first identify the things we have control over and the things that we cannot control. All the necessary exercises to help you take control of your life and live the life of your dreams are in the book "Mind Control System".
Well that’s it for now I hope you’ve enjoyed this write-up as it’s been a pleasure giving it to you.